I feel like an Ant in a City... sometimes

I just moved into my apartment in Lowell, Ma. I’ve always wanted my own apartment and I’ve always wanted to spend the summer in Lowell, looks like things are working out. My apartment is nice, but two of my roommates aren’t moving in ‘til fall and my friends from back home refuse to make the trip up from Plymouth, Ma. With my lone roommate working 40 hours a week or visiting his girlfriend in Boston, I have a lot of “me” time. All of this coupled with the fact that we decided not to pay for cable (in fact we don’t even have a TV in the apartment) and only having one class a day, four days a week, I would have enough “me” if I were a conjoined twin. I’m not complaining… kinda just ranting, but with all this free time. I’ve done a lot of philosophizing, pondering, wondering, day-dreaming, staring at the trees outside my window. Y’know bullshit things to kill time, and I mean I’ve done A LOT of this. During all this… well let’s just call it ‘thinking’ … during all this thinking I have been completing life (don’t worry I’m not on the verge of suicide or anything) y’know , thinking about where I am going… what am I doing… all that good stuff. I feel that you can really find yourself when you dedicate four or five hours a day procrastinating doing grad school work and thinking about yourself…

… then something happened today, and I’m sure I’m gonna think about this for the rest of summer.

We’ve been at my apartment for nine days and we already have ants. At first it was one, then two… now eight thousand. We’re not slobs by any means! (I know you’re judging me asshole) we clean up all our food, take out our trash, and wash the stove and tables down. I don’t know how we can be any cleaner; it’s just that ants have gotten inside. Maybe the city itself is dirty.

Me, being the pussy that I am, I feel bad every time I kill an ant… (yes, please judge me for that. You’re still an asshole though) I will pick them up and put them on our porch, fully aware that it will probably be back in the kitchen before I get back to the kitchen. I have thoroughly been made fun of this by every person who has stepped through our doorway. Usually, everyone else just steps on them. So it goes.

So today I was sitting on my laptop, staring at the blank, black screen, wondering if I could get any fatter even though I have eaten a full meal in nine days. I powered down the laptop because, well let’s face it, you can only watch the YouTube video of the dog running into the wall so many times before you go crazy – regardless of how funny it is…

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2BgjH_CtIA)

… just than an ant walked right across the keyboard. I looked it at, then looked around my apartment – fully aware no one else was here and said in a whisper “you better get outta here before somebody sees you.” Then the ant walked off the keys and disappeared behind the laptop. I don’t think I’m going crazy, but I did just issue a life-or-death warning to an ant… not only that, I distinctly said “before somebody sees you” I’m a somebody damn it! Or did I just confess to an ANT that I am a NOBODY! It reminds me of a line from scrubs, when JD flashes into one of his crazy daydreams, in which he and Turk are Robin and Batman respectively. JD exclaims “Holy Inferiority Complex, Batman! How low is my self-esteem where I’m the sidekick in my own fantasy?!”

I think I’m fine… In fact, I know I’m fine. I’m not going crazy or even for that matter, I’m not even lonely. I think all this just may be a case of over thinking. Something I’ve done a lot recently. I think I just need a hobby. Any suggestions… maybe blogging? Or even doing my homework, well I never did that as an undergrad, why start now?